It's Either Love Or Aliens
by Sunrise over the Tango Factory
Summary: Something very weird has happend to one of the guys and Rik knows who to blame...Thatcher, and if its not her it's the aliens!
1. Default Chapter

> Rik hurried down the stairs, biting his nails nervously. Something was troubling him, and he wasn't sure if the others had noticed it too. Mind you, no one would notice if the house was on fire. He decided to ask, just in case, in some strange whacked out way, someone had noticed the change.
> 
> Rik was pleased to see Mike sat at the kitchen table looking as smart and as handsome as ever.
> 
> "Mike" asked Rik, checking to see no one was listening and sitting down on the chair "do you think there's something wrong with Vyvyan?"
> 
> Mike had been attempting to write out all the women he'd ever slept with, he was now beginning to struggle after 360 names, so he thought it wouldn't hurt to take a break and humour he much-less attractive-to-the-opposite-sex house mate.
> 
> "There's lots of things wrong with Vyvyan" he paused thoughtfully "in fact, I'm pretty sure there's nothing right with Vyvyan, why d'you ask?"
> 
> Rik sighed, "He's been acting strange recently"
> 
> "Don't you mean strang-ER" offered Mike, doodling on his list of chicks.
> 
> "Yes" said Rik, getting annoyed "well he's been" Rik lowered his voice to a low whisper and leant forward to Mike "normal" he sat back in his seat, and gave a involuntary shudder.
> 
> "Normal?" repeated Mike, staring at Rik over the top of his sunglasses,
> 
> Rik nodded, "weird isn't it?"
> 
> "You can say that again," said Mike, a little shocked
> 
> "Weird isn't it" said Rik grinning madly at his own joke,
> 
> "Okay Rik" said Mike tiresomely,
> 
> "No Mike" snorted Rik "don't you get it, you said-"
> 
> "RIK!" shouted Mike warningly, Rik shot him a nasty glare and turned his back on Mike.
> 
> Neil came down the stairs, humming to himself,
> 
> "Hi guys," He said casually to Mike and Rik. He had just taken a few steps into the kitchen when he suddenly stopped, "oh wow" he gasped "weird!"
> 
> "What's weird Neil?" asked Mike barely giving the hippy a glance.
> 
> "Well, when I came out of my bedroom this morning, there was somebody in the bathroom, so I like thought it was either Mike or Rik right, so I like came down stairs, but you're both down here, not in the bathroom. Heavy or what?"
> 
> Rik snarled at Neil "Neil, you complete and utter spazzy bastard, there's probably a perfectly normal explanation to your 'bathroom mystery', only you're too stupid and smelly to figure it out!"
> 
> "Oh yeah" said Neil getting angry "what is it then Rik?"
> 
> Rik smarmy smile disintegrated, "oh" he said suddenly "so you want me to tell you the answer now do you Neil, well for you information its probably a burglar!"
> 
> Rik crossed his arms and smiled intelligently,
> 
> "Rik, a burglar broke into our house...just to use the bathroom," asked Mike, grinning.
> 
> "Yes," protested Rik "he broke in early this morning, he was dirty and really needed the loo, so in he goes into out bathroom, only he's in there ages and ages, a bit like you Mike"
> 
> "Hey" said Mike, holding up a hand to Rik "the economy would collapse if I didn't look my best in the morning Rik, you wouldn't want that blame resting on your shoulders now would you?"
> 
> Rik panicked, he adored telling anyone who'd listen how he was a raunchy, dangerous anakist, who lived life on the edge, but at the first sign or trouble Rik was quick to squeal on all those around him. "No" he muttered, staring down at his shoes,
> 
> "Good" said Mike, running his fingers through his perfect hair, "now carry on!"
> 
> "Okay Mike" said Rik politely, he regained his composer before he began yelling at Neil "so the person in the bathroom is nothing more then a plain, and boring burglar" he snorted at Neil's stupid-ness before adding "why, who did you think it was?"
> 
> Neil shrugged his shoulder "I dunno," he said plainly "maybe Vyv?"
> 
> Mike let out a short but still very cool laugh "Vyv? Neil, don't you remember what happened last time we tried to make Vyvyan take a bath?"
> 
> Neil's eyes widen in fear "poor Mrs Baker" he said sadly,
> 
> "So why on earth do you think Vyvyan would voluntarily have a bath?" asked Mike, tapping his pen on the table, because this conversation was beginning to bore him. Neil shrugged his shoulders again.
> 
> Rik groaned "Can we please stop talking about baths, I'm trying to tell you something that's bloody weird, and non of you are listening!"
> 
> "What'd you say Rik?" asked Mike, looking up from his chick list,
> 
> Rik turned red with anger, and opened his mouth to realise a torrent of abuse at Mike "What's weird?" asked Neil.
> 
> "Vyvyan" said Rik,
> 
> "it took you this long to figure out Vyvyan's weird?"
> 
> "No!" yelled Rik defensively, "Vyvyan's been acting very strange recently, he hasn't called me many stupid names or tried to throw me down the stairs. Its not normal"
> 
> "Don't worry Rik" said Mike reassuringly "I'm sure Vyvyan's only doing this to lead you into a false sense of security, and then he'll try and break both your legs with the sledgehammer again."
> 
> "You think so?" asked Rik, cheering up a bit "I know so," replied Mike smiling.
> 
> "Morning" came a voice from behind them. The guys all wondered who it could possibly be.
> 
> It didn't sound like Vyv, his voice was constantly changing tone and pitch throughout a sentence, and this voice sounded calm, friendly. None of the guys knew any one that was calm or friendly.
> 
> "B-l-o-o-d-y hell!" exclaimed Rik, as he turned round to see the mysterious stranger.
> 
> It was Vyvyan; to say that he looked different would be a BIG understatement. His wild, rebellious hair had somehow been teased out of its three spikes; it was ruffled up into a bed head style that managed to look neat and casual at the same time. He was wearing a smart black trouser suit, with the jacket hanging coolly on his finger, and a black shirt with a crimson tie that was hung in a loose knot round his unbuttoned collar. His stars and spots had mysteriously vanished, and he was smiling. Not his manic smile, a very cool, sophisticated smile.
> 
> Mike suddenly felt very underdressed; he glanced down at his plain white shirt, grey slacks and waistcoat. He couldn't stand being out cooled by a former head banging punk; he needed to get into some fancy clothes, fast!
> 
> "I've just gotta go...bye" he said nervously, racing up the stairs, not bothering to come up with a decent excuse for his sudden departure.
> 
> Rik and Neil continued staring at the 'new and improved Vyvyan' in total shock. "Morning" he said again, giving them a small wave with his free hand,
> 
> "Vyvyan?" asked Rik uncertainly,
> 
> "Yep" replied Vyv, laying his jacket down on the sofa.
> 
> "I think I'd better make some sweet tea," said Neil, stunned.
> 
> He picked up the kettle and moved over to the cooker, but Vyvyan plucked it out of Neil's hands before he could set it down. Neil instinctively raised his arms above his head; through previous experience he'd learnt that when Vyv took something off you, it usually ended up being smashed over your head
> 
> "I'll make the tea Neil," said Vyvyan pleasantly, Rik gasped, and Neil sank to the floor in a faint.
> 
> When he began to come around, he could hear Vyvyan calling his name
> 
> "Neil, Neil, you alright?" He felt the lumps that lined the top of his head a groaned,
> 
> "I've had this well weird dream, Vyvyan you were smart and kind, and" He opened his eyes to see Vyvyan staring down at him very concerned, "oooh no, it weren't a dream."
> 
> Vyv helped Neil to his feet, "are you feeling alright Neil?"
> 
> Neil collapsed into a nearby chair, and stared at Vyv "No, acuatly Vyv, I'm not"
> 
> "Well you go upstairs have a lie down, and I'll sort out breakfast"
> 
> Rik leapt up from the table, and backed away "who are you and what have you done with Vyvyan?"
> 
> Vyv laughed, "I am Vyvyan"
> 
> "No you not" said Neil, scurrying over to where Rik was stood, "our Vyv would never make tea, or be nice or-"
> 
> "Dress like a fascist" interrupted Rik, with a snarl,
> 
> Vyv looked down at his freshly laundered suit, "oh this" he said giving it a tug "I just felt like a change, that's all" Vyvyan blushed slightly before walking back over to the kettle, and filling it up.
> 
> Rik surveyed the 'new' Vyvyan through narrowed eyes, when he was suddenly struck by an idea, he hurried to the table when he grabbed a cup off it.
> 
> "here" he said grudgingly, handing the cup to Vyv, he then lowered his head and braced for impact, when non came, Rik straightened up "why didn't you smash it over my head" he whined,
> 
> "because that's not a nice thing to do" replied Vyv, giving Rik a very confused look,
> 
> "not it's not, but you always used to, I want the old Vyvyan back!"
> 
> Vyvyan laid a hand on Rik's shoulder "are you feeling alright Rik?" he asked concerned. Rik brushed him away angrily
> 
> "stop calling me Rik" he hissed angrily,
> 
> "why?" asked Vyv, a little shocked "its' your name isn't it?"
> 
> "No it's not" yelled Rik, "well, yes it is, only you hardly ever call me Rik, you always call me: puff, pervert, bastard, girly, virgin, bastard, sissy, knob end, the list is endless"
> 
> "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that" says Vyvyan looking incredibly guilty, "I'm sorry for calling you names, hitting you, setting fire to you and for that time I tried selling your kidneys and liver on the black market!"
> 
> Rik's mouth dropped open for the second time that morning "that was you!?!"
> 
> Vyvyan carried on regardless, "I'm really sorry, Rik"
> 
> "you...you...alien" shouted Rik edging away from the table yet again and hiding behind Neil, "What?" laughed Vyvyan pouring the boiling water into the teapot.
> 
> "yes, you're an alien, they've captured the real Vyvyan and have taken him to the mother ship, and they've sent down an evil clone which will take us all in with its posh clothes, brilliant hair and politeness, well it won't work sunny Jim, cos I know the truth and I'll go to Thatcher!"
> 
> "Rik," said Neil, exasperated "you hate Thatcher"
> 
> "ah" said Rik, realising his mistake "well, I'll use her when I'm in trouble, and slag her off the rest of the time,"
> 
> "I think both of you need some rest" said Vyv, pulling on his jacket,
> 
> "I'll see you both to bed then I'll have to rush off"
> 
> "what for" asked Rik and Neil, "lectures" replied Vyvyan ruffling up his hair,
> 
> "what!" screamed Rik and Neil,
> 
> "but...but" stammered Rik "you never go to lectures Vyvyan, its just...not you!"
> 
> Vyv ignored Rik's comments before he strode to the door, "bye guys" he called before closing the door behind him gently.
> 
> Vyvyan closing a door gently, that just didn't happen.
> 
> Rik and Neil stood in complete shock,
> 
> "ta-da" exclaimed Mike, he was stood at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in an all white tuxedo with an ice blue shirt, "oh crap" he said when he noticed the absentness of Vyv "he's gone!"


	2. Oh my GOD

That evening, Rik, Mike and Neil were sat at the kitchen table. Vyvyan had come home in an even better mood, much to their disappointment.

After a meal of pasta, cooked by Vyvyan that didn't contain any: knifes, razor blades, bits of bricks, laxatives, sleeping tablets or anything else that he usually threw into supper to make it more 'appetizing' Vyv headed upstairs claiming he had homework to do.

"This, like a librarian" commented Mike as they heard Vyv's bedroom door close "is very very very serious!"

"What are we going to do?" asked Neil,

"I don't know," replied Mike, nibbling at his nails, "Rik, anything you want to add?"

Rik was in no state to come up with ideas, he was sat on his chair hugging his knees, twitching madly and chanting softly "Nice Vyvyan, it's wrong, all wrong, wouldn't hit me with a cup, Ooohh, it's bad, very very bad!"

"Right Rik, we'll take that on board"

Neil's eyes lit up as he was struck by a thought "I had this friend right, and he started acting all weird, he cut his hair and wore suits and then sank to the lowest of the low" he paused for dramatic effect "got health insurance!" Neil shuddered,

"Does this story have a point, Neil?" asked Mike,

"Yes it does, the reason why my mate was going all...funny was because he was in love!"

"WHAT" screamed Rik, pulling out of his temporary madness "ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT VYVYAN, A MAN WHO WEARS METAL PLATED UNDERPANTS, MR PUNK OF THE MELLENIUM, A PERSON SO VIOLENT THAT HE ENJOYS ATOMIC BOMB MASSAGES, IS IN LOVE, THAT HORRID ICKY, DIGUSTING THING THAT HAPPENS BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMEN AND FORCES THEM TO GET MARRIED, HAVE KIDS 2 DOGS, A CAT AND A FAT, OVER FED DEPRESSED BUDGIE NAMED GERALD AND HAVE A HOLDIAY HOME IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE?"

"Eerm...yes!" replied Neil meekly, edging away from Rik,

"As much as I hate to agree with Rik who is famous for his lack of coolness, it's the stupidest idea I've heard!"

"It could happen!" protested Neil,

"What could?"

The boys leapt up from the table and moved back, Vyv was stood in the door way, watching them pleasantly,

"Errrrm" they all stammered,

"Say something," hissed Mike,

"What?" Rik his back

"ANYTHING" hissed Mike, jabbing him in the ribs with his elbow.

"What could happen?" repeated Vyvyan, walking towards them,

"Man could land on the moon," said Rik a little too loudly,

"They already have done Rik, 1969, Neil Armstrong?"

Rik fidgeted before stating simply "crap"

"Nice one Rik" said Mike sarcastically, clapping him on the shoulder then more force then necessary, "I'm glad we have you here to get us out of sticky situations"

"Any time Mike!" beamed Rik; obviously the concept of sarcasm had slipped past him.

"Vyv" began Neil "are you in-" he wad cut off by Mike clamping his hand over Neil's mouth, (he had to stand on tiptoe)

"Am I in what Neil?" asked Vyvyan, twisting and twirling strands of hair on his head,

"Mmmpph mmmpph mmmpppphhh mmm" mumbled Neil, trying to speak through Mikes hand,

"Nothing, nothing, it doesn't matter," said Rik quickly as Vyvyan was about to open his mouth "Vyv, do you mind if we ask you a question?"

"Certainly, Rik"

Rik faced flushed with anger "STOP CALLING ME RIK!" he shouted, clenching his fists,

"Okay, Rik" said Vyv, holding up his hands in retreat

"YOU SAID IT AGAIN!"

"RIK" roared Mike over his mad screaming, "SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!"

Rik's angry was replaced by embarrassment "okay, Mike" he muttered, staring at his feet, Vyvyan why do you want to be a doctor?"

Mike grinned, for Rik that was a pretty smart idea,

"Well I want to help people, make them better, give my bit back to society and make a bit of money"

"So you can buy a big house for you and your WIFE" said Neil, having managed to shove Mike's hand away, Vyv's cheeks glowed and his scratched the back of his neck nervously, "I've got to go" he said finally, he tugged on his fancy jacket and checked his hair one last time.

"Where are you going?" asked Rik, still wary of this 'new, kind, thoughtful sensitive Vyvyan'

"Out" he replied simply, opening the door,

"What d'you mea-" it was too late; Vyv had walked out the door and was off, whistling merrily.

"This is hopeless," wailed Rik, throwing himself dramatically on the couch "I want the old Vyv back, if only he still wore his chains and denim and would call me 'puff' at every available opportunity"

Mikes eyes lit up "Guys" he grinned, "I think I have a plan"


	3. Hottie Alert

"Mike, I feel like a prat!" whined Rik

"Shouldn't you be used to that by now!" Mike snapped, his use was short to begin with, but having to do what they were doing at this very moment had made it near immeasurable.

"How long do we have to sit like this?" asked Neil from the gloom as the living room was in total darkness.

"Til Vyv comes back," said Rik, roughly aiming his voice

"When will that be?"

"How the bloody hell shout I know, what d'you think I am...the answer man?"

"No, but you seem to know everything there is to know, although your ill-informed on lots of subjects!"

"NO, no, no, Neil" laughed Mike, shifting his weight attempting to get comfy on the sofa that time forgot

"Thank you Mike, at least _somebody_ appreciates my intellectual mind!"

"Rik is ill-informed on every subject!"

"Thanks a bloody lot Mike" huffed Rik, throwing a random cushion at Neil's head

"Ow, Rik, why'd you throw it at me?"

"Why not?" said Rik testily.

"Rik, you can't just throw something at a persons head just-"

"Neil!" hissed Mike "shut up!"

"Oh great, first I've got some jumped up little prick of an anarchist" angry hiss from Rik "throwing cushions at my head and now I'm being told to shut up-"

"Guys, I'm home!" shouted Vyv, hanging up his jacket, "why are all the lights off?" with a flick of his finger the living room was filled with light illuminating the horror that it held.

Rik, Mike and Neil sat dressed exactly like Vyvyan...the old Vyvyan. Mike was squirming, he'd never been so un-cool for so long, any longer and it may be contagious, what if he never was Mike the-cool-person again, what if he became Mike the-person-who-used-to-be-Mike-the-cool-person-but-now-is-completely-un-cool!

Vyvyan blinked, not knowing what to do or say whilst the guys stared back at him expectantly.

"You know" he said finally, the guys leaned forward, hoping to hear what they wanted to hear "I used to dress like that, thank heavens I came to my senses!" Mike swore loudly, before running upstairs, ripping off the offending denim like it was on fire.

Rik began crying while Neil was sat deep in thought, wondering if lentils would make this situation better.

Vyv stood at the doorway, nervously watching his 2 flatmates. He was worried about them, Rik didn't like to be called Rik, (despite the obvious fact it was his name) Neil would faint when someone wore new clothes and Mike felt the need to flee the room whenever Vyv entered. Mad. The lot of 'em. Mad

"Vyv" said Neil "are you in-"but a sharp slap from Rim stopped him mid sentence. Neil desperately wanted to ask Vyvyan this question to see if he was correct.

"Vyv, go to bed" snapped Rik, glaring at him, "me and Neil have things to discuss!" Neil looked terrified at the prospect of 'discussing' something with Rik. Vyv jerked slightly at being talked to in such a manner, normally he'd have thrown some large and preferably metal at his head, but instead he shook his head and walked upstairs to the sanctity of his room.

Rik waited till the heard the last of Vyv's footsteps before speaking

"Neil, I've got a plan!"

* * *

Rik pulled the collar of his trench coat round his ears and eyed the bustling street with an accusatory stare. This earned him strange looks off passers by but nothing would stop him from reaching his goal...spying on Vyvyan!

He leapt out from behind the tree he'd been crouched behind and pranced towards a parked car. He adjusted his shades and frowned...he'd lost Vyv.

Rim huffed angrily and set off down the street, but because a) he wasn't watching where he was going and b) because he had ludicrously dark sunglasses on he knocked into someone.

"Watch where you're going!" he snarled angrily, removing his shades.

A little old lady glared at him, making Rik laugh

"HA HA, was that supposed to be scary," The little old lady let out a growl

"You'd best watch your lip sonny, it'll get you into trouble!"

"Piss off!" said Rik, smiling and looking round at people as if urging them to congratulate them for being so brave and anarchy!

THACK

Rik was sent spiralling to the floor, when his head had stopped spinning and his vision had come back he saw the little old lady scowling, cracking her knuckles.

"Have you had enough yet pretty boy or" he curled her wrinkled hands into fists and held them towards Rik "d'you want some more!?!"

Rik never ran so fast in his life, no wonder the country going to the dogs with deranged old women have fights with innocent students in the street. Rik stood, against the wall; he might as well go home, he'd lost Vyv, he'd been beaten up by an O.A.P and he was hungry, he was just about to walk away when he spotted a hottie.

A beautiful girl, with long black hair that tumbled down her back, she was wearing a low-cut, very, very tight white dress and walked like she was on air. Rik pushed his jaw back up and sighed, now that was a women he'd love to 'have'.

He watched he sashay down the street, mesmerised by her every movement, then he spotted Vyv. Sat at a coffee bar. Granted Rik hadn't known Vyvyan that long but one thing he knew that Vyv would never, ever, ever, not under any circumstances would ever step foot in a coffee bar.

He looked nervous; he kept tugging at his shirt and ruffling up his hair or looking at his watch. He suddenly smiled and stood up.

Just as the hottie walked towards him

Her arms outstretched

They fell into a hug before kissing. Rik was disgusted.

It looked like a nice, romantic kiss. Vyvyan does not give out nice, romantic kisses! He'd witnessed it many times at parties, he'd run up to a girl, stick his tongue down her throat, be thrown off, and be punched, and he still thought he was in with a chance.

Something else was worrying Rik more...Neil...was right!


	4. Putting the piss back

Sunrise over the tango factory's A/N: I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry this took ages to be posted. I've been so busy recently, writing other fan fics and homework. Thanks to all who have reviewed, trying to 'spur me on'; I think it was the negative vibe merchant comment that got me typing. Thanks a lot, and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"A kiss" repeated Mike, shocked.

"Yes" replied Rik, loving being the holder of precious information.

"A proper kiss" Mike asked, hoping it was all a horrid trick.

"Yes" came the smug reply.

Mike nodded, before saying, in utter desperation "are you sure it was a kiss, maybe she had a penny stuck in her throat and Vyv was trying to get it out-"

"With his tongue..." offered Neil.

"Yes" smiled Mike, "with his tongue" he frowned, his idea had sounded so much more realistic in his head.

"No Mike" smirked Rik, "I was a proper kiss, tongue on tongue action, like the type of snog you do on yourself at the mirror" He blanched as the last part of his sentence came tumbling out, he laughed nervously at Mike and Neil who were staring at him.

"Not that _I've_ ever kissed a mirror, sometimes I have to prise girls off my lips with a crowbar just so I can eat, when would my lips find any spare time to kiss a mirror?"

"I get your point Rik, they're always too busy letting crap come talking out of your mouth!"

Rik sniffed and turned away.   
"So Vyv was in love all along" sighed Neil, "the worlds going to end," he said simply.

"What?" said Rik, "why?"

"Vyv becoming sensitive, kind and caring, found love and eternal happiness and I was right about something that had nothing to do with lentils. If that doesn't mean the apocalypse is coming I don't know what it?"

"You're right Neil" said Rik, voice trembling, "this signals the end, Oh God, I'm going to die a virg...very happy over sexed person" he quickly added upon seeing Mike's eyebrows shoot up in a 'I was right about you all along' fashion.

"What was she like?" asked Neil suddenly.

"Who?" snapped Rik,

"Vyv's girlfriend"

Rik sighed "sex on legs" he said dreamily, "she was a figure of beauty, innocence and you could just tell she was dying for a good shag by a wild anarchy...I fit that description perfectly!"

"What was her name?" asked Mike, seeing possible 'affair lawsuits' come up if he'd slept with Vyvyan's love.

"Jessica Parkinson" said Rik "Law Student, part time job in a florist, b cup"

"How d'you know all this?" queried Neil,   
"I managed to piece together what little evidence I managed to find"

"You spied on them didn't you, Rik," laughed Mike.

"I DID NOT," bellowed Rik, purple with rage "I MERELY CLIMBED INTO A NEARBY TREE THAT WAS COINCIDENTLY RIGHT ABOVE THEIR TABLE AND WAS AT A HEIGHT THAT HAD I BEEN SPYING ON THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN PERFECT FOR OVERHEARING THEIR INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS!"

As he finished his rant, the front door was kicked off its hinges; they're were screams from outside on the street and very loud swearing.   
Vyv was home. The old Vyv.

"Vyvyan!" they all cried happily.

"PISS OFF" he screamed at them, tugging at his hair whilst trying to tear up his fancy jacket at the same time.

After tearing the jacket up into confetti sized pieces, he repeatedly jumped on their remains, before shooting Mike, Rik and Neil a deadly glare before going upstairs, jumping on every step of the way, kicking every wall and slamming every door.

There was a moment of silence before the others simply said, "He's back"

* * *

Rik knocked gingerly on Vyvyan's bedroom door, trying to ignore the assortment of pointy things sticking out of the woodwork.

"Piss off!" came the angry reply.

In a moment of bravery (or pure stupidness) Rik entered. Vyv was lay on his bed, turning his beloved silver knife over in his hands, looking very depressed, he barely looked up when Rik entered.

"Did she dump you?" he asked meekly. Vyv sat bolt up right, knife aimed at Rik's head, all he had to do was throw it. But he couldn't, it's be a hell of a laugh, watching Rik slump to the ground with a knife sticking out of his head, but it wouldn't stop the way he felt.

"Yes" he muttered darkly, lying back down the bed and sulking.

Rik nodded, and after thinking of nothing comforting to say, nodded some more.

"Mind if I ask why?" he said finally.

"She said she liked men who were dangerous," replied Vyv after picking his teeth with the tip of his knife "she said I was too safe, she dumped me for some biker with loads of metal, a dangerous attitude and spiky hair"

Rik tutted in agreement "women eh? Who needs em?"

"I do," said Vyvyan sadly

"Yeah, me too" replied Rik, staring out the window, "can we have the old Vyv back?" he asked.

Vyv stared at him, "why? Didn't like Mr. cool, sophisticated Vyvyan?"

"NO!" Rik replied firmly.

"Okay" said Vyv suddenly cheering up, "you wait here," he said, running out of the room.

"Okay" said Rik, he suddenly found "why?" but he was talking to an empty room. Vyvyan returned moments later with a sledgehammer.

"V-V-Vyv" stuttered Rik, backing against the wall "w-what are you g-going to do with that?"

"Oh nothing much" lied Vyvyan "I've just got a lot of catching up to do"

As the sounds of Rik's screams mingled with the sound of snapping bones and loud thumps echoed round the house, Mike and Neil smiled.

"Great to have you back, Vyv!"

END


End file.
